


shake all the sorrow from your palm

by annemari



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 19:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annemari/pseuds/annemari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was thinking," Lindsey says, and turns to look at Gerard, leaning against the counter. "About Mikey."</p><p>Mikey's been staying in the guest room; it has been different having him around constantly, but Gerard's glad for it. (Not in the least because that means he can keep an eye out for him.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	shake all the sorrow from your palm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alpheratz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpheratz/gifts).



> Dear alpheratz. You asked for something comforting and realistic. I hope I managed that. <333 Thank you so much to **anoneknewmoose** for looking this over for me! Title is from Patrick Wolf's "Paris". 
> 
> Note: This was written before Gerard's WonderCon appearance was cancelled.

Gerard runs his hand over his face and sighs. "But what if they hate it?" he asks.

"You'll be fine." Mikey's stretched out horizontally on the couch, Bandit happily bouncing on his thighs and calling out to Grandpa.

Gerard frowns and taps his pencil against his notepad. He's trying to prepare for the con this weekend. It shouldn't be hard, really; he's done a lot of panels now, and _hosting_ the panel last year was harder in some ways, but he still feels anxious. It's not like he can really prepare for all the possible questions people will ask. He just hopes most of them will be about the comics. Which he has to answer without spoilers, fuck.

He's about to ask if Mikey's sure he can't come along, but stops himself in time. Mikey's not ready for that yet, he knows. And it means he can look after Bandit. Gerard always feels more comfortable when he leaves Bandit with Mikey, rather than the babysitter.

"Kitty, kitty, kitty," Bandit squeals. "Come here, kitty."

Grandpa is lying in the patch of sunlight coming through the living room windows, also stretched out. Gerard looks from him to Mikey and thinks about drawing Mikey as a cat. Grandpa's not moving, but Bandit's too lazy and too content on Mikey's lap to go to him.

Gerard takes a slow breath and releases it. He does feel good about the con, mostly. There's nervousness there, but also excitement. He's really proud of this one. There's just one thing.

"They'll ask about the band," Gerard says.

He looks over at Mikey, who is staring at Bandit. "They will," Mikey agrees.

"And the kids I'll meet during the signing, and—what will I say?"

Mikey slowly turns his head and meets Gerard's eyes. It makes Gerard feel better. "You know what to say," Mikey tells him. "It will be okay."

Gerard nods and looks down again. "Yeah," he says. "You're right."

Mikey's right. Gerard's been dealing with awkward questions in signing lines for so many years. He knows what to say, at least to the individual kids. He hopes he'll be able to repeat what he wrote well enough during the panel, if needed. He knows most people got the sentiment. It's just that Frank was always better at speaking about this. But it'll be fine, he tells himself firmly.

"Hey, boys."

Gerard looks up, smiling. Lindsey's leaning into the room, holding onto the doorjamb.

"Anyone want coffee? Sandwiches?"

"Yes," Gerard says immediately.

"Done with packing?" Mikey asks.

Lindsey makes a face. "I'm sick of packing."

Mikey smiles, and so does Gerard.

"So, sandwiches?" Lindsey asks.

"Yes," Gerard says again.

"Then come and make them. I'm wiped."

Gerard gets up and drops his notebook in his chair. He looks over at Grandpa, then picks the notebook up and sets it on the small bookcase instead.

"Nooo," Bandit whines. "It's time to play, Uncle Mikey."

"I thought we were playing," Mikey says, smiling at Bandit.

Bandit rolls her eyes. " _No_ ," she repeats. "Come on, we have to play."

Mikey pushes himself up to a sitting position and Bandit jumps off him and grabs his hand.

"But I'm hungry," Mikey complains. "Aren't you hungry, Bee?"

Bandit stops and turns her head to give Lindsey a thoughtful look.

"Go on," Lindsey says to Gerard's surprise. "We'll call you when the sandwiches are ready."

Bandit beams and drags Mikey off with her. Mikey gives Gerard one last look—he's smiling. Gerard grins and follows Lindsey into the kitchen.

"So, packing wasn't going well?" he asks.

"Huh?" Lindsey asks, going to the coffee machine while Gerard looks through the fridge and picks out the sandwich toppings and juice. "Yeah, I'm mostly done. I was just getting hungry, and then I thought that it's fucking stupid, you know. I should be spending time with you instead of fucking packing."

Gerard smiles. "But packing needs doing."

"Yeah," Lindsey sighs. She gets the coffee machine going and joins Gerard at the counter. Her bare arm brushes against Gerard's and, God, Gerard doesn't want her to go. He hates that she's leaving tomorrow. At least he knows she'll be doing something she loves.

"I was thinking," Lindsey says, and turns to look at Gerard, leaning against the counter. "About Mikey."

Gerard frowns. "What about him?"

"Stop," Lindsey says and reaches over to run her hand through Gerard's hair and smooth out his forehead. "You know I don't mind having him here. Just, it's been a while now, right? What, almost three weeks?"

"That's not long," Gerard says. Mikey's been staying in the guest room, and yeah, it has been different having him around constantly, but Gerard's glad for it. (Not in the least because that means he can keep an eye out for him.)

"I'm just wondering," Lindsey says. "What does _he_ want to do? Have you talked about that?"

"I think he's okay with being here," Gerard says. "Where else would he go?"

"That's not what I mean," Lindsey says. "He can stay here as long as he wants, I told you. And I get that he's not ready to go out yet, either, but I'm just asking if you've talked about it."

Gerard shrugs and concentrates on cutting up the cucumber. "I think he doesn't know yet," he says. "I don't think he's even been back to the house."

"Maybe you should go by together. Figure out what he wants to do with the place."

Gerard nods thoughtfully. "Yeah," he says. "I'll talk to him about it."

"Good," Lindsey says. The coffee machine beeps. Gerard can tell there's something Lindsey isn't saying.

"What?" he asks.

Lindsey sighs. "He came to me yesterday and said he could leave if I wanted to."

"What?" Gerard asks. "When?"

"After dinner, when you were drawing with Bee."

"But that doesn't make any sense," Gerard says. "Why would he leave?"

Gerard was wary about it at first, worried, because he wasn't sure how Lindsey would take to it. But Lindsey was Lindsey, and she was amazing. The first few days had been a bit touch and go, especially with Mikey adjusting to his new meds, but it got more comfortable fast. For Gerard, at least, and for Lindsey too, he could tell. ("Well, we're saving money on a nanny," she'd joked at first.) He thought Mikey felt the same way—and even if he didn't then—maybe the problem was Gerard.

"Does he feel like I'm keeping him here?" Gerard asks, worried.

Lindsey gives him a look. "I think you should ask him that," she says. "But no, I don't think that's it."

"But why does he think you'd want him to leave?" Gerard asks, getting defensive. "Especially right before you're going on tour anyway."

"That's what I asked him," Lindsey says. "He didn't really have an answer. I think maybe it's just because he's not sure what he should be doing, worried he's imposing."

"But he's not."

"That's what I said, sweetheart," Lindsey says. "Right after I told him he was being stupid. But that's also why I think you should talk to him."

"Yeah," Gerard says. He turns back to the forgotten sandwiches. Lindsey touches his shoulder, then wraps her arm around him in a hug.

"Hey," she says. "He's doing fine here. Bandit loves having him here. I just think he needs a bit of reassurance."

Gerard exhales, and rests his head against hers. "Okay." She squeezes him and kisses his cheek, then pulls away.

"I think we're set," she says and starts pouring out the juice. Gerard presses a kiss to the back of her neck and goes to call Bandit and Mikey.

Bandit dashes down the stairs and Gerard's stomach flops over as it always does when she runs too fast or climbs on things she shouldn't. "Careful," he says, but she doesn't stop to listen.

Mikey follows her, smiling a little. "The toy cat was crowned king," he says. "And revealed to be Grandpa's aunt."

"Noted," Gerard says. Mikey bumps his shoulder against Gerard's, and heads into the kitchen. Gerard follows him. He'll ask tomorrow.

~

Lindsey leaves early next morning. It's always hard to watch her go, to see Bandit's sad face. At least this time she won't be more than three time zones away.

Gerard spends the rest of the day going over comic scripts. He thinks about writing music, about plugging in his guitar and practicing. 

Instead, he frowns and turns back to his emails.

The weird thing is, now that Gerard has the amp he's scared to use it. Or maybe he's just scared of what Mikey might think. Or what he might feel. He knows Mikey hasn't picked up his bass in a while and he's unsure whether throwing himself into the guitar right now would be welcome. He should tell Mikey about it. Mikey would just say he's being stupid.

Gerard emerges late in the afternoon, realizing he should probably check up on Bandit and Mikey. He finds them napping together on the couch in the living room. His heart swells and he almost thinks about taking a picture to tweet it, maybe just of their feet, but quickly disregards it. This is his.

Later he makes dinner, chickpea curry, his specialty. He makes a little too much for the three of them, but is grateful to see Mikey eat at least two plates.

They clean up afterward, Bandit wanting to help with the dishwasher, and move to the living room. Mikey flops down on the couch and Bandit climbs up next to him, grinning.

"No, Bee," Mikey says, taking Bandit's shoulders and holding her back from jumping on his stomach.

"But it's time to play, Uncle Mikey," Bandit insists.

"We've spent the whole day playing," Mikey says. Bandit's lower lip wobbles, and shit, Gerard knows he should be more strict with her about some stuff, but he just can't. 

Obviously Mikey feels the same. He squints at her and pulls a face, making her laugh, and says, "I think it's time for reading instead. Yeah?"

"Yes!" Bandit claps her hands together and jumps down from the couch, running off to find a book.

Gerard grins and sits down next to Mikey. Mikey groans and shuffles over to lean against Gerard.

"Hey," Gerard says.

"Hey," Mikey says. "Did you have to make so much curry?"

"It was good, wasn't it?"

Mikey rests his head on Gerard's shoulder. "I ate too much. Was there a special occasion or something?"

Gerard shrugs. He doesn't say, "I'm worried about you." It's not like there's been a time when a part of him _wasn't_ worrying about Mikey.

"Nah," he says. "No special occasion."

Mikey sighs and rubs his head against Gerard's shoulder. His phone beeps and he pulls it out of his pocket, focusing on that instead. Gerard clicks on the TV and channel-surfs for a bit. Mikey giggles next to him, and Gerard tries to squint at his phone.

"Who are you texting?"

"Pete," Mikey says. "Look." He holds the phone up for Gerard—it's a picture of a cat taking a bath.

Gerard grins. "Cute."

Mikey sends something back, then puts down the phone and looks at the TV. "Are we watching something?"

"Lindsey told me what you said," Gerard blurts out. He can see Mikey frown in confusion, before he tenses and starts to pull away. Gerard grabs his forearm instead. "Hey, wait. Tell me why you thought you had to leave."

Mikey shrugs and looks away. "I just thought I should be sure."

"Do you think we don't want you here?" Gerard asks. "You know I do." He slowly adds, "And why did you ask now? I mean, Lindsey's off on tour, so..."

"So?" Mikey asks. "It's still her home."

Gerard wants to say it's Mikey's too, but it's not, not like that. (But as far family goes it _is_ and Gerard thought Mikey got that.)

"Okay," Gerard says. "But why do you think she'd want you gone? She doesn't. You know that, right?"

Mikey shrugs again. "No, I know," he says. "I mean, she called me an idiot for even suggesting it, so. I just thought I should offer. I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm doing."

Gerard squeezes Mikey's arm. "What do you want to be doing?"

Mikey takes a deep breath. "I don't know," he says. He looks at Gerard, and Gerard shuffles closer and throws his arm around Mikey's shoulder.

"You don't need to figure it out right now," Gerard says. "Okay? And you can stay here as long as you want, you know that." Mikey nods, and Gerard squeezes his shoulder and presses on, "Lindsey suggested that maybe we could go by the house? We could grab more of your stuff."

Mikey slowly shakes his head. "I don't know," he says again. "Maybe? I don't know, I don't think I really need anything from there right now."

"Do you know if you want to keep it?" Gerard asks. "The house." Mikey shrugs, and doesn't respond. "Okay," Gerard says. "We'll figure it out later, then." He doesn't really want to push Mikey, afraid he'll push too far. He promised Lindsey he'd ask, and, well, he's done that.

Mikey sighs and leans back against the couch. "Can we watch something?"

"Sure," Gerard says. "But I think Bandit wanted you to read to her."

"Oh, right," Mikey says, looking up. "Think she's still looking for a book?"

"Probably got distracted by Grandpa," Gerard says. He'll go check in a minute.

Mikey crosses his arms over his stomach and doesn't respond, his face falling a little.

Gerard nudges him. "Hey. You okay?"

Mikey nods, even though he's frowning. He looks up and meets Gerard's eyes. "I miss Piglet."

Oh. "Maybe we could set something up?" Gerard asks. "I mean. You could. It's not like—I don't want to—"

Mikey rolls his eyes. "I know what you mean," he says. "And...I appreciate it. You know that, right?"

"Right," Gerard says. "I just thought maybe I was pushing too hard."

Mikey bumps his shoulder. "Shut up."

"Okay."

"Do you think that could work?" Mikey asks. "Piglet, I mean."

"We can try," Gerard says. It wouldn't hurt, he thinks. Hopes.

Mikey nods slowly. "Okay. Yeah." He turns and lies down on the couch, stretching out. He rests his head against Gerard's thigh and yawns. Gerard pets his head and thinks again about sketching Mikey as a cat. Maybe he'll do that later. Bandit would love it.

"I should go check on Bandit," Gerard says.

Mikey hums in response, and Gerard eases himself off the couch, careful not to jostle Mikey. He finds Bandit sitting on the floor of her room, surrounded by books.

"Hey, Bee," he says. "What are you doing?"

"Finding a book," she says. "It has to be perfect."

"I'm sure it doesn't," Gerard says.

Bandit gives him a haughty look and rolls her eyes.

"What book do you _want_ Uncle Mikey to read?"

Bandit bites her lip, then picks one and holds it up. It's one of Neil's.

"Awesome," Gerard says. "I'm sure Uncle Mikey will love that."

When they get back to the living room Mikey is asleep on the couch. Gerard has to grab Bandit to stop her from running to him, sure she would jump up and land on his stomach.

"Uncle Mikey's tired," he says. "How about I read you the book?"

Bandit's lower lip wobbles for a second but then she nods. "In my room," she says. Gerard lets go of her, and she runs to Mikey and gives him a kiss on the cheek before running back out and up the stairs, feet pounding.

Gerard smiles and goes to poke Mikey in the shoulder. Mikey grumbles at him, but doesn't open his eyes.

"You'll fuck up your back sleeping here," Gerard says.

"Don't care," Mikey mumbles.

"Come on," Gerard says. "Bed."

"It's not even nine yet," Mikey says. "I'm napping." He turns over to his side and peeks at Gerard. 

Gerard sighs. "Suit yourself."

"Seriously, Gee," Mikey says. "I'm good here."

Gerard takes a breath. "Okay," he says. Mikey closes his eyes and Gerard leans down to kiss his hair.

"Daddy!" comes Bandit's voice from the top of the stairs. "Come _on_!"

Gerard can see Mikey smile, eyes still closed, and he grins and straightens up. "Coming!" he calls and goes to read his daughter a story.

~

He sends Lindsey a quick email about Piglet, later, when he's getting ready for bed. She gets back to him pretty fast, which is surprising. He figured she'd be asleep already. She says she'll ask Alicia. She doesn't say whether she thinks it's a good idea or whether she thinks Alicia will agree, so Gerard doesn't mention it to Mikey again that night. The next morning there's an email from Alicia in his inbox. It's short but to the point.

Gerard grins and goes to tell Mikey the good news. Mikey's still half-asleep, but he sits up fast when Gerard tells him.

"Really?" he asks. "Wait, but—really?"

Gerard nods. "Lindsey asked her. She says she knows we'll all watch after her, that Bandit loves her, and that Grandpa gets along fine with her. And she can tell Piglet misses you."

Mikey pulls his knees up and wraps his arms around them. "When?" he asks. "Or how long? Do you know?"

Gerard shakes his head. "I'll email her back and ask. I think maybe after the con would be good?" He's kind of busy with preparations now and not sure whether they'll have time to get the place dog-ready again, but if Mikey really wanted, well.

Mikey nods. "Yeah," he says. "That's soon anyway."

"Okay," Gerard says. "Awesome. Yeah?"

"Totally," Mikey agrees. He smiling, just a bit.

"Wanna come help make breakfast?" Gerard asks. "I think Bandit might demand pancakes again."

Mikey bites his lip and looks down at the bed. "Later? I'm still kind of tired."

"Coffee will help," Gerard says. "Bandit will probably wake up soon, anyway."

Mikey shrugs. "I didn't really get a lot of sleep."

Gerard frowns and steps closer to the bed. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Mikey says quickly. "Yeah, just dreams."

"Well, lie back down, then," Gerard says. "We'll warm up the pancakes for you later."

Mikey looks up and smiles. "Thanks."

"Sure," Gerard says, and reaches out to briefly stroke Mikey's hair. "Sleep well. And hey, soon you'll get to have Pig here with you."

"It's impossible to sleep with Pig in bed with you," Mikey says, but he grins. "She always lies down right on my feet, she's so fucking heavy."

Gerard giggles, and Mikey lies down and curls up, closing his eyes. His face looks calm and relaxed. Gerard watches him for a beat, waiting for his breathing to even out a little, before quietly leaving. He has breakfast to make.

~

WonderCon goes really well. It's pretty fucking great, actually, seeing all the fans—whether they're fans of his music or his comics or both. Yeah, there are questions about the band, quite a lot, but also a lot about the comic and he handles them both as well as he can manage. It's a good day.

He gets home, exhausted, but happy, and finds Mikey on the couch in the living room.

"Hey," Mikey says, looking up and smiling. He reaches for the remote and turns down the TV. "How did it go?"

"It was great," Gerard beams. "It was so great. It—wait, where's Bandit?"

"I got her to nap."

Gerard pauses. "At six pm?"

Mikey nods and pulls his legs up to the couch. "Tell me about it."

Gerard sits down and delves right into it, how great it felt, how excited people were about the comic, both fans and people in the industry, how good it was to see fans, how lovely everyone was. He's halfway through his story about someone wearing a Vanya costume when he realizes Mikey's still listening, but looking sort of far away.

He stops and asks, "Mikey? You okay?"

Mikey nods and shrugs.

"Mikey," Gerard presses.

"Ray called me."

Gerard blinks. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"What did he talk about?" Gerard asks. He's spoken to Ray a couple of times recently, but as far as he knows, Mikey hasn't in ages.

"His kid," Mikey says. "Stuff."

Gerard leans his chin on his hand and stares at Mikey. "Yeah?"

"He's learning to walk or crawl or something, I think."

"Awesome," Gerard says. "We should go over sometime."

"Think they'll have me?"

Gerard pauses. "Of course they will, Mikes." Mikey shrugs. "Why would he not want to see you?"

Mikey shrugs again, and sighs. "Ray and Christa really love Alicia," he says.

"We all love Alicia," Gerard says and Mikey looks away. "And we love you. And he called you, didn't he?"

Mikey frowns. "Yeah. He did." He shakes his head. "I'm just being stupid, sorry."

"Yeah," Gerard says. "It's fine." To be honest, Gerard's feeling unsure too. It's been a while since he and Ray hung out, not as long as it's been for Mikey, but still. But that part, the part that's worried, is surprisingly easy to ignore in favor of focusing on Mikey. Mikey misses Ray, Gerard knows. "We should call him up and go over when he has time."

"You sure?" Mikey asks. He looks hopeful.

"Yeah," Gerard says again. "It'll be nice. So, what did you and Bee do all day?"

Mikey smiles and starts filling Gerard in on the latest of Bandit's tricks. Gerard can see him visibly relax, and he's sure he made the right call.

~

They go to Ray's next week. Ray's great, Ray's fucking amazing. He hugs both of them, ruffles Mikey's hair and immediately asks him about some new game thing. He's smiling, and Gerard relaxes immediately.

They gather in the living room as usual. They fuss around with the baby for a bit before Christa picks him up and takes him off for a nap. Gerard's surprised to see how big he's gotten, and he feels guilty for not coming by more. He also decides to take Bandit with next time—she had pre-school today and will probably be mad at Gerard later for not getting to see the baby. It's been too long.

Ray seems to read his mind. "It's been forever," he says. "I thought you'd disappeared off the face of the planet."

Gerard sees Mikey smile, but he can tell he's a little uncomfortable. "Into a parallel dimension," Mikey says.

Ray laughs. "No, seriously. I missed you guys. I mean, at least I got to see Gerard a couple of months ago, but I haven't even seen you this year, Mikes."

Mikey shrugs, and looks down. There's a pause that Gerard is about to fill, but then Mikey looks up and says, "I missed you too, Toro."

Ray smiles and leans forward to ruffle Mikey's hair again, and Mikey sinks into it. Ray turns to Gerard then, still smiling, and says, "So what have you been up to? You got a new amp?"

Gerard beams and tells him about it. It's comfortable after that. It's good to talk to Ray, he's fucking _Ray_. They stay away from music for now, or, at least, their own music, but it's nice to just talk about movies and comics and such. 

Then Ray says, "So...Alicia got a new place, right?"

Gerard freezes for a moment, and he can see Mikey do the same, that small twitch of lips that shows he's thrown. But then Mikey nods and says, "Yeah, with Sarah."

"Lindsey says it's really nice," Gerard adds. He can see Mikey relax again.

"Great," Ray says, smiling hesitantly.

"Yeah," Gerard agrees.

"Oh, I'm getting Piglet soon," Mikey says, and gives Ray a little smile. "Sarah's gonna bring her over."

"Yeah?" Ray says. "That's great. I bet you miss her."

Mikey nods and looks down. "Yeah," he says softly. Gerard can see him blink rapidly, but not the way he does when he's blinking back tears. Mikey looks back up at Ray and says, "It's only for a little while. But it's really great she agreed to it."

"Yeah," Ray smiles. "That's good. Is she still doing the wrestling thing?"

Mikey shrugs. "I'm not sure. I know that it was supposed to end soon, either way," he says. "Middle of April?"

"Cool," Ray says. "Well, that's nice. Have you been watching Raw?"

"Oh, yeah," Mikey says, smiling. "Did you see the one where the dude just totally forgot to sell his leg?"

Gerard tunes them out after that. Christa walks in and deposits the baby in Ray's lap, Ray's hands immediately coming up to steady him. Gerard gets up and follows Christa into the kitchen.

He helps her get the dishes and cups, but mostly stays out of her way, feeling awkward.

"So how's he doing?" Christa asks him, inclining her head toward the living room.

"Mikey?" Gerard asks. "Oh, good. Well. Better, you know?"

Christa raises her eyebrow, not unkindly, and nods. "And you?"

"I'm good," Gerard nods. "I—I'm sorry?"

Christa shakes her head, and smiles. "Don't. He's okay. And busy. We're all good here."

"Good," Gerard says, relieved. He's talked to Ray, of course, but he still worried. "That's great."

Christa nods and hands him coffee cups to take into the living room. When Gerard wanders back in Mikey and Ray are clearly in the middle of a serious conversation. He loiters near the door, not sure whether to interrupt or not. Mikey's got the baby on his knee, slowly bouncing him.

"She has a kid, you know," Mikey says, and Gerard freezes. "I just—I wasn't gonna be someone's dad."

The baby gurgles up at him and Ray smiles. "Yeah, well, you make a great uncle," Ray says.

Mikey smiles down at the baby in his lap. "Thanks."

"Bandit agrees," Gerard says, stepping into the room. Mikey's head shoots up, and his expression wavers, but then he grins. "She loves him."

"She won't leave me alone," Mikey laughs. "I wake up and she already wants to play."

"I always have to remind her that Uncle Mikey sleeps longer than us and it's not nice to wake people up early in the morning."

Ray grins. "Yeah, man, they don't like to let you sleep, huh?" He shakes his head.

"You love it," Mikey says. Gerard agrees, Ray's fucking _glowing_ , so happy with his kid.

Ray shakes his head again, but he's still smiling. "Just, it gets better, right?"

"I don't know why _you're_ complaining," Christa says, joining them. "You're not the one getting up in the middle of the night."

Ray makes an apologetic face, and Christa runs her fingers through his hair. Gerard's hit with a pang of missing Lindsey.

"I like seeing the sun early in the morning, though," Gerard says, swallowing. "Like, fuck, I always used to miss that, you know. But it's nice."

Mikey makes a face and pushes up his glasses. "It hurts my eyes."

"Not in the morning!" Gerard protests. He's more than okay with Mikey sleeping in, but sometimes he wishes he could see how great it is outside that early, how peaceful.

Mikey shrugs, but smiles, and Ray laughs. Gerard's glad they came.

~

Sarah drops Piglet off a couple of days later, early in the morning. They're waiting in the kitchen with the coffee pot and Mikey's still half-asleep, eyes barely open. Gerard hasn't managed to infect him with morning fever yet. 

He figures Mikey will stay behind—both to avoid any potential awkwardness, and because he looks like he's about to fall asleep again—but the minute they hear the car pull up he's out the chair and heading towards the door. He drops to his knees on the front porch and Piglet runs up to him, tail wagging. Gerard can't remember the last time he saw her moving that fast. 

Mikey hugs Piglet tight, resting his head on hers, even as she tries to wiggle around and lick his face. She gives up after a moment and just lets him hold her. Gerard can hear him mumbling to her, and it makes his throat feel tight.

He looks up at Sarah, who's standing just off the porch, a box in hand. He goes to take Piglet's stuff and says, "Hey." She nods at him, and gives him a tiny smile. "Do you—wanna come in?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "It's fine. I'm actually in a hurry anyway, but thanks for asking."

"Sure," Gerard says. "Um, it was a week, right?"

"Yeah, around that," Sarah says. "Alicia will call if something comes up, I'm sure."

"Okay," Gerard says. He looks back at Mikey and Piglet, still on the ground. Mikey's got Piglet's head in his hands now, and he's making silly faces at her.

"Well, I gotta go," Sarah says. "You take good care of her," she says, raising her voice. Mikey looks up, his face suddenly serious, and nods at her. She nods back, says goodbye, and leaves.

"Come on, Pig," Mikey says. "Let's go say hi to Bee and Grandpa."

Bandit's just coming down the stairs, and she squeals and runs up to Piglet, throwing her arms around her. Gerard smiles, and looks at Mikey, who's grinning from ear to ear.

"Who wants pancakes?" Gerard asks.

"Me!" Bandit calls immediately. "And Piggy, Piggy wants pancakes."

"Pig loves pancakes," Mikey agrees.

Gerard impulsively pulls Mikey into a hug and ruffles his hair. Mikey leans into him, and Gerard presses a quick kiss to his head.

"Pancakes, then," Gerard says, and goes to make his family breakfast.

~

The rest of the week goes really well—Gerard gets a lot of work done, Piglet settles in well, and Mikey's clearly happy to have her around, as is Bandit. And then suddenly it's Gerard's birthday. It's mostly a regular day, aside from the presents. Bandit makes him a drawing, and Mikey gets him an old Batman comic. It's really fucking nice, it is.

Still, it's a birthday, and Bandit's excited. Gerard escapes to his studio eventually—it's where Mikey finds him after a while. He leans against the doorway and says, simply, "You miss her."

"Yes," Gerard says. He always misses her. He runs a hand over his face.

The tour won't come around till May. It's always hard, and worse because Bandit misses her too. Not all the time, actively, thank god, but the nights are hard. Better if they can get in contact with Lindsey through Skype and talk to her.

Still, it's not forever. And Bee knows that, too. And this time, they have Mikey right here to distract them. Gerard isn't sure if it's better than when Mikey was a car drive away but with Alicia. He just likes having Mikey here, and then feels guilty for thinking that.

"I miss," Mikey says, and Gerard looks up sharply. Mikey's still standing at the door, arms wrapped around himself. "Frank," he finishes.

Gerard blinks. "Me too," he says automatically. He does, like something fierce. They haven't seen Frank in months and it sucks. It feels like forever.

"Do you think we could go see them?" Mikey asks.

Gerard frowns. "You mean...but they're on tour right now."

Mikey rolls his eyes. "Yeah," he says, like Gerard is slow. "Exactly. We could go see Lindsey, and Frank and Dewees, too."

"But what about Bandit?"

"Why can't we take her with us? It'd just be for a couple of days."

Gerard shakes his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Gerard, come on," Mikey says. He looks excited, like he really means this. Gerard hates to argue against it, but they've always said Bandit on tour is not a good idea. "We'd both look after her, and I'm sure she's old enough to deal with it now. We'll make sure to pick a time when they're staying in hotels every night. It would work."

Gerard sighs and covers his face with his hands. "Mikey."

"Come on," Mikey says. "Don't make me bring in the cavalry."

Gerard looks up. "You wouldn't." If Mikey tells Bandit that she could see Mommy then it's over.

Mikey fidgets. "Maybe," he says. He sighs and visibly deflates. "Gerard, please?"

Gerard considers it. He doesn't consider it for long. Bandit _is_ older now, and Gerard doesn't know why Mikey's so insistent on this, not exactly, but he's finally started asking for things again, and Gerard can't deny him. And he misses Lindsey, too.

"Do you think it should be a surprise?" Gerard asks.

Mikey grins. "Yeah," he says. "Oh man, that'd be so cool."

"We'd have to call Jimmy or Chantal, of course," Gerard says. "To ask them for the schedule and stuff. But they wouldn't tell Lindsey."

"Should we do that first?" Mikey asks. "Or tell Bandit?"

Gerard tilts his head. "Do you wanna tell her?"

Mikey nods immediately. "Fuck, yeah."

Gerard smiles. "Let me call them first."

"Awesome," Mikey says. "Fucking awesome."

"They're probably busy now," Gerard says, thinking. "Later today."

"Thanks, Gee," Mikey says softly. Gerard shakes his head; it's not just for Mikey, but—yeah, okay. "Hey," Mikey says. "We should jam."

Gerard blinks, thrown by the change of topic. "Really?"

"Yeah," Mikey says. "You got the amp, but you haven't really used it much. So we should do that. A birthday jam."

"You sure?" Gerard asks before he can stop himself.

"Of course," Mikey says. "Come on."

Gerard grins and follows him.

~

They play until the sun turns red and Bandit starts complaining about being hungry. They come up with two new riffs, fragile, still unsure, but _there_. It's great. It feels so fucking good Gerard can hardly believe it. He can tell from Mikey's smile he feels the same.

Gerard cooks dinner, and they eat in the living room. Mikey puts Bandit to bed—she's tired out from all the dancing she did—while Gerard cleans up. Lindsey calls, and Gerard spends an hour on the couch, just talking to her about everything. It makes missing her hurt a little less, just a quiet ache, not a pang. He texts Chantal after that and asks her details about the tour and how they could join it for a couple of days without being in the way.

Mikey joins him on the couch later. They watch Ghostbusters, and Gerard thinks, happily, that it turned out to be a nice day after all.

Mikey's been yawning for the last half of the movie, and Gerard's tired too, tired and satisfied. He turns off the TV after it ends, and Mikey stands to head to bed. He stretches and cracks his neck, and it reminds Gerard he wanted to ask him something.

"Mikey," Gerard says, and Mikey stops at the door, and looks back. "Why—I mean. Why do you wanna fly out so badly?" Mikey frowns, and Gerard adds quickly, "Just, you haven't wanted to really leave the house for weeks, and now—"

"Ray," Mikey says. Gerard blinks. Mikey walks back to the couch and sits down. He pauses, obviously gathering his thoughts, then looks up at Gerard. "Seeing him, it just made me realize how much I missed everyone. Frank and Dewees and Jamia and...I just want things to go back to normal, you know. I know they can't. I know that—"

"Mikey," Gerard starts, but Mikey shakes his head.

"But Frankie," Mikey says. "And Dewees. Our friends. We could have that, right?"

Gerard nods, throat thick. He wants that too. Mikey's right, they have the opportunity to reach out, to _really_ reach out, not just brief texts and emails that are mostly legal jargon.

"And you miss them too," Mikey says.

"Yeah," Gerard says. "Of course."

"I know it probably won't be the same," Mikey says slowly. "But we should try. Right?" He sounds more unsure now, and Gerard nods quickly.

"We should," he says. "And we're going to. No more bullshit."

"Yeah," Mikey says. He looks away, staring at the dark TV. 

Gerard gets the feeling Mikey wants to say something else, something that's stuck inside him. He thinks he knows what it is. He takes a breath, and asks, "Mikey?"

"I miss her," Mikey says, simply.

Gerard carefully rests an arm on his back. "Yeah," he says. "I know."

Mikey turns towards him, frowning. "It was hard to say." He sounds confused. Gerard wants to wrap him up in his arms and take it all away. "It shouldn't be hard," Mikey says. "Right? I mean, it makes sense. Of—of course I do. And it was my fault, it was, and I can say _that_ , so why—"

"It will get better."

Mikey shakes his head.

"Hey, come here." Gerard wraps his arm around Mikey's waist, and Mikey sighs and leans in, lets Gerard pull him into a hug.

"You fucked up," Gerard says. "That doesn't mean you're not allowed to miss her."

Mikey shakes his head again and Gerard squeezes him tighter.

"It'll be okay," he promises. He's always promising that. Always, for Mikey.

They sit like that for a while, then Mikey wriggles away. "Sorry, I'm fine," he says.

"Yeah," Gerard says, and squeezes his hand. He's learned when he needs to let go and not argue when Mikey says something like that.

There's a clatter of nails on tile, and Mikey looks up and calls out, "Piggy."

Piglet trots up to him and Mikey pats his lap. Piglet jumps up to the couch, and Mikey grabs her and pulls her close.

"Hey, Piggy," Mikey says, scratching her ears. "You're going back to Mommy tomorrow. Are you excited?"

Piglet snorts and pants in Mikey's face. Gerard smiles. They agreed that Gerard's gonna be dropping Piglet off tomorrow. He hasn't seen Alicia in weeks; hopefully it will be okay.

"You hungry?" Mikey asks. "Thirsty? Did Grandpa drink all the water again?"

Piglet whines and Mikey leans his chin on her head for a second before pushing her away and getting up. "Come on, then." He looks back at Gerard. "Gee..."

"Yeah?" Gerard says.

Mikey pauses, then shakes his head. "I'm glad you're my brother."

Gerard swallows hard and nods. "I love you, too."

Mikey smiles and heads to the kitchen with Piglet. Gerard takes a minute to breathe, then goes to check on Bandit before he goes to bed.

~

Gerard drops Piglet off the next evening. Alicia's new place is up in the hills, a gorgeous house. Gerard pulls up and lets Piglet out, and Alicia's already waiting at the door. Piglet runs up to her and she leans down to scratch her head.

"Hey." Gerard walks over to her, carrying Piglet's stuff.

Alicia looks up and smiles. "Hey, Gee."

Gerard fumbles with the box, before handing it over. Alicia takes it and drops it in a chair on the porch. Bunny squeezes through the door and slowly walks up to Piglet, pushing her head against her. 

"Hey, Bunny," Gerard says. She doesn't react, of course. Gerard's sure she's above all this.

"How did Piglet behave?" Alicia asks.

"She was great," Gerard says. "Bandit loved having her."

Alicia nods. "Good. That's great." There's a pause, and Gerard's not sure if he should say something, tries to come up with a safe topic. "So," Alicia says. "How are you?"

Gerard shrugs. "Good. It's been really nice, actually. You know, after."

Alicia smiles. "That's awesome. I'm glad." She looks beautiful, standing here in front of her new house, her eyes clear. The sun makes her hair glow a little, and Gerard realizes he's missed her, too. "So," Alicia says.

"He told me he misses you." Shit. He shouldn't have said that.

Alicia crosses her arms over her chest, frowning. "I miss him too," she says frankly. Gerard takes a breath. "But it's too soon."

Gerard nods. "I'm sorry," he says, because he didn't mean to upset her. "I just thought that, I don't know. You should know."

Alicia shrugs, and crouches down to scritch Piglet. "Hey," she whispers, almost quietly enough that Gerard doesn't hear. "Did Daddy take care of you?"

Piglet waggles her tail and leans closer to Alicia. Alicia smiles.

She looks up at Gerard and her expression changes into concern. "Gee."

Gerard's not sure what he looks like right now. He feels kind of ridiculous. "I just," he says, and takes a deep breath. "I'm glad you're doing well, Alicia."

Alicia gets up pulls Gerard into a hug. Gerard clings gratefully, feeling stupid. "Thank you," Alicia whispers before giving him one last squeeze and letting go.

Gerard looks down when he feels something against his legs. It's Piglet, trying to work herself into the hug. Alicia laughs and steps back, and Gerard kneels down to pet Piglet's ears. He liked having her around.

"Oh, hey, happy birthday," Alicia says.

"Thanks," Gerard grins. "Well, I should probably go. It was nice having you, Piggy."

"Tell him," Alicia says and Gerard looks up, fast. "Tell him Piglet seems really happy about having seen him. And we can do that again."

"Yeah," Gerard says, and straightens up. Piglet trots back to Alicia. Bunny's already disappeared. "Sure. Oh, but not until we get back. Which isn't that far away, I guess, but."

"Get back from where?"

"We're going out to see Lindsey. And Frank and Dewees."

"Lindsey didn't tell me that," Alicia says, her eyebrows drawing together.

"Uh, it's a surprise. Sort of. The others know but we made them promise not to tell her. We're leaving in two days."

"Oh," Alicia says. "Awesome, have fun. Tell Frank and Dewees I miss them."

"Yeah," Gerard says, smiling. "Sure. Uh, well. I'm off, I guess."

"Drive safe," Alicia says. She pushes Piglet into the house and closes the door. Gerard's about to get into the car when Alicia calls out, "Gerard." He looks up and she says, "Don't be a stranger, okay."

Gerard beams at her. "I won't," he promises.

The sun is in his face on the way back home, making it hard to see the road through his dirty window. It feels like a metaphor.

~

Mikey's sitting on the couch with Bandit and Grandpa when Gerard gets back. Bandit's clearly asleep, the cat stretched out next to her, but Mikey's eyes are open.

"Hey," Mikey says when he sees Gerard walk in. "How did it go?"

Gerard nods. "Good." Mikey glances down at Bandit and quietly eases himself off the couch. "Coffee?" Gerard asks.

Mikey follows him into the kitchen. "Did you take your pills today?" Gerard asks. They made a pact that Gerard can check up on Mikey during evening coffee.

"Yes," Mikey nods.

"Good," Gerard says, and heads right to the coffeepot. Mikey takes a seat in his usual chair. Gerard's back is to him, but he can feel the vague tension of Mikey working up to ask a question.

He thinks about beating him there, but decides against it. It's better to let Mikey do this himself.

Gerard's measuring beans when Mikey clears his throat and asks, "How was she? I mean. I mean, how did she—"

"She looked good," Gerard says. "The house really looks great, like Lindsey said."

He sets the pot to brewing and turns around, leaning against the kitchen counter. Mikey's looking down at the table. "Good," Mikey says. "That's really good."

"She told me," Gerard starts and Mikey's head shoots up. "That Piglet looked really happy. About seeing you." Mikey smiles, a small one, but there, and looks down again. "She didn't mind having Piglet come over again," Gerard adds. "After we're back."

"You told her about that?" Mikey asks, looking up, and Gerard nods. "Good."

The coffee machine beeps and Gerard turns to pour them both a cup. He sets the mugs down on the table and takes the seat next to Mikey, angling towards him.

Mikey drinks half the cup before he speaks again. "Did she say anything else?"

Gerard puts down his cup, twists it around. He wonders briefly whether he's allowed to say this, but Alicia knows there are no secrets between him and Mikey. "I told her you miss her," he admits, and Mikey glances up. He doesn't look angry, though. "She said she does, too. But it's too soon."

Gerard can see Mikey swallow. His face is just a bit paler than it was before. Mikey shakes his head and looks down, takes another sip from his coffee. "Okay," he mumbles after swallowing.

Gerard reaches for his shoulder, worried. "Mikey."

Mikey squeezes his eyes shut. "I didn't want to hurt her," he says quietly.

"I know," Gerard says. "She seems to be doing really well," he says. "And it can only get better, right? She's doing good."

Mikey nods, eyes still closed, and Gerard gets up and pulls Mikey up and into a hug. Mikey wraps his arms around Gerard's waist and clings.

"You're gonna be okay," Gerard whispers, and Mikey buries his face in Gerard's neck.

When Mikey pulls back, he's—not smiling, exactly, but there's a calm there. He looks better in a way that he hasn't in a while. Gerard wants to hug him again just for that, but there's a quiet sound from the living room.

Mikey smiles for real then, and says, "We better go check up on her."

A low whine starts up and Gerard sighs. "We should put her to bed."

"It's not even eight yet," Mikey protests, already moving toward the living room.

"Well, you tire her out," Gerard calls at Mikey's retreating back. He picks up his coffee and finishes it quickly, then smiles and follows Mikey.

~

Gerard's trying to zip his suitcase when Mikey bursts through the door.

"I'm done," he says. "And Alicia texted me."

Gerard looks up, surprised. "Yeah?"

"She says she couldn't get through to you, but Lindsey had said she wished she'd taken her blue jacket with her. She didn't know if you knew that."

Gerard walks over to the closet and rummages through it. He pulls the jacket out, and turns back to Mikey. "Wait, that was it?"

"Yeah," Mikey says. There's a small smile on his face.

Gerard steps forward to gently ruffle Mikey's hair. Mikey bats him away, but he grins wider. Gerard smiles, and goes to fold up the jacket and add it to his suitcase.

"Do you think we have all of Bandit's stuff?" Gerard asks.

"I don't know," Mikey says. "But I saw her packing her stuffed toys."

Gerard sighs. They'll never be able to take those plus her drawing stuff. He just hopes they have the essentials.

"Told you we should have made a list," Mikey says.

"How is it that we've been doing this for years, but still suck at it?"

"I don't think people ever get better at this," Mikey says. "At least you're not trying to pack _all_ your jackets."

Gerard pouts. "They would fit if we got an extra suitcase."

Mikey laughs, as expected, and Gerard grins. He manages to get the jacket in and pulls the zipper closed, satisfied for now. "Did you text her back?" he asks.

"What?" Mikey asks. "Oh, yeah." He shows Gerard his phone. _Got it, thanks_

Gerard nods. "Good," he says. "Okay, enough packing. Dinner?"

"Yes," Mikey says, fervently, and Gerard grins.

Dinner's fun, like always. They talk about the new Batman issue, and make up a story for Bandit about a girl who's made of marshmallows and licorice and has to harness the power of vegetables to defeat an evil wizard. Bandit loves it. 

Mikey's smiling, relaxed as he tries to explain to Bandit why carrots would probably make better weapons than tomatoes. Gerard watches them and feels warm, and so fucking happy.

Gerard checks his phone later, and sees a missed call and a text from Alicia. He smiles, and sends Lindsey a quick text about his "plans" tomorrow before pocketing it. He promised Bandit they'd watch Aquabats if she helped Mikey clean the table after dinner, and he can hear her calling to him from the living room.

Mikey's already there when he gets there, queuing up the episode. Gerard smiles and picks Bandit up, making her squeal.

"You ready to see Mommy tomorrow?" he asks.

She squeals again, a high-pitched "yes" and hugs him. Gerard squeezes her until she starts to wriggle, then sets her down on the couch, sitting down next to her. She claps and leans against Mikey, eyes glued to the screen where the episode is just starting.

Gerard lets out a deep breath and smiles.

~

Lindsey's face when she sees them is priceless. It's not even how she's surprised, it's the sheer joy and the way her smile's almost blinding. He loves her so much.

She runs over, taking Bandit from Gerard's arms and squeezing her tight. Gerard gathers them both close, and Lindsey presses a kiss to his cheek. "Hey," she says softly, and Gerard buries his face in her hair.

She steps back, still holding Bandit, and shoots an accusing look at her band members. "Did you guys know about this?" They're all gathered in a hotel room, and they look really pleased with themselves.

"I didn't know," Frank says, but he's smiling. Grinning, really. He's already up and moving towards them. He comes to an awkward stop, and Gerard can feel Mikey tense next to him. But Frank's still smiling, so Gerard steps forward and Frank opens his arms for a hug.

Gerard squeezes him tight, grateful. Fuck, he's missed Frank a lot. It's been hard to talk to him, knowing even though they agreed, they weren't all on the exact same page. But Frank hugs him close, and when he steps back he's smiling, so Gerard's sure it's gonna be okay.

Frank looks up at Mikey then, seeming a little hesitant, but hopeful. Mikey has his elbows pulled in close to his body, hands shoved into pockets. Frank shakes his head, says, "Come here, Mikey Way," and reaches up. Mikey unfolds and lets Frank pull him in, wrapping his arms around Frank after a beat.

Gerard smiles and turns to Dewees, hugging him. "Man, it's been way too long," he says.

"Seriously," Dewees says. "I've fucking missed you guys."

"Yeah," Gerard says. "Me too."

There are more hugs after that, catching up, and then Gerard follows Lindsey to her hotel room. Mikey trails after them with Bandit, who climbed into his lap when they were talking and promptly fell asleep.

"I can't believe you're here," Lindsey says.

"For a couple of days," Gerard says. "Fuck, Lyn, I missed you so much."

"Me too." Lindsey presses a quick kiss to his cheek before settling her hands on her hips and raising her eyebrows. "So, how many jackets did you pack?"

Gerard rolls his eyes and Mikey laughs. "That was _one time_ ," Gerard says, and Lindsey smiles. "Oh, but—" He opens his suitcase and pulls out her jacket.

Lindsey's eyes go big and she reaches forward to take it. "How did you know I wanted this?" she asks, surprised.

"Alicia said," Mikey says, gently lowering Bandit to the bed.

Lindsey throws a quick look at Mikey, then raises her eyebrows at Gerard. Gerard shrugs and gives her a little smile. Lindsey nods.

"I'm gonna go turn in," Mikey says. "The flight totally wore me out."

"He means Bee wore him out," Gerard says, and Lindsey grins.

"I missed you too, Mikey," she says and goes to give him another quick hug.

"Same," Mikey says, smiling.

Gerard follows Mikey outside and walks with him to his room. Mikey stops before opening the door, and turns to face Gerard.

"This was a good idea, wasn't it?" Mikey asks.

"Yeah," Gerard agrees. "It really was." Mikey shrugs one shoulder, and Gerard adds, "And it was yours, yes, I'm aware of it."

Mikey grins and shrugs again. "I'm just saying. You should listen to me more often."

"I always listen to you," Gerard says automatically, and Mikey pauses and looks down. "Or I try to. I'm sorry if sometimes I—"

Mikey shakes his head quickly, and says, "Don't. You don't have to feel guilty or responsible or whatever. I can take care of myself now." He looks right at Gerard, his jaw set, his eyes clear and warm.

"Yeah," Gerard says. "I know. But I'll always be looking out for you. Sorry, you can't get rid of me."

Mikey rolls his eyes and leans over to give Gerard a hug. "I know," he says. Gerard clings to him until Mikey starts squirming and pinches Gerard's side.

"Ouch," Gerard says, and steps back.

Mikey grins. "Go and have sex with your wife."

"Shut up, not when Bandit's—oh, shit."

Mikey laughs, pressing his hand to his mouth to muffle the sound.

" _Fuck_ ," Gerard says. Mikey's still giggling, and Gerard narrows his eyes at him.

"Sorry," Mikey gasps.

"Fuck, do you think you can take her tomorrow? Just for a bit."

Mikey cracks up again, and Gerard can't help but giggle himself.

"Oh my god," Mikey says after a while, wiping his eyes. "Fine, whatever. Jesus Christ."

"I love you," Gerard says, and Mikey beams, and pushes at his shoulder.

"Go," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sleep well," Gerard says, and Mikey gives him one last smile before closing the door behind him.

Gerard breathes out, feeling calm and happy, and heads back to where the rest of his family is waiting.


End file.
